First there was Lora.
Then there was Elaine.
I wish I would have known
I'd be going half insane.
Teresa was a sweetheart.
Peggy was my absolute dream.
And each time I thought
We were truly on the beam.
Mary Lou was an opportunist
Who caught me on a rebound.
It didn't take long before she moved on,
As if I were litter on the ground.
Things were looking hopeless
And the years went by.
Then the gloomy clouds parted
And lovely Leigh said, "Hi!"
She was blonde, smooth and attractive.
I was olive complected and hairy.
She was a champion cyclist and a gymnast.
At first, to me, that was quite scary!
Awesome's the feeling of skin on skin,
Limbs so entangled and entwined.
It's the pillow talk, too, that I miss.
Another promising relationship's left behind.
Of all the relationships over the years
That I've taken for a whirl,
It's fully five of those adventures
Where the next guy married the girl!
What am I supposed to do
For Pete and heaven's sakes?
A friend of mine refers to this
As fattening frogs for snakes!
I don't know what to think.
I don't know what to say.
Hell, this could be enough
To turn some guys gay!
I've tried to be a gentleman,
Always considerate, patient and understanding.
Yet all I seem to end up with
Is a string of failed relationships that's ever-expanding.
Expressing this has been difficult.
You could call it just a rant.
But Humpty Dumpty's heart
Has become my transplant!
Some people are meant to have mates.
Some people are meant to be single.
Just because I've called off the chase
Doesn't mean I will no longer mingle.
David J. Thomas